Start The Machine

Stay awake on coffee and razorblades.

cracked:

Why do some outsiders want to make other outsiders feel like outsiders?
3 Fan Communities That Hate Their Own Members

#3. Comic Books
Comic fans are ruthless. The instant you say something about a character or storyline that they disagree with, they immediately do their very best to exclude you from the community. Girls get it the worst — a girl can’t wear an Aquaman T-shirt to any kind of nerdy gathering without getting accused of not being a true fan (whatever the hell that means) and being grilled with Aquaman trivia questions that no human being should be able to answer. (The correct answer to “If you’re such a big fan, then in what issue of Aquaman did we learn the name of Aquaman’s father?” is “Fuck you — Arthur, Prince of the Sea, belongs to everyone.”)

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Seriously, Aquaman is rad.

cracked:

Why do some outsiders want to make other outsiders feel like outsiders?

3 Fan Communities That Hate Their Own Members

#3. Comic Books

Comic fans are ruthless. The instant you say something about a character or storyline that they disagree with, they immediately do their very best to exclude you from the community. Girls get it the worst — a girl can’t wear an Aquaman T-shirt to any kind of nerdy gathering without getting accused of not being a true fan (whatever the hell that means) and being grilled with Aquaman trivia questions that no human being should be able to answer. (The correct answer to “If you’re such a big fan, then in what issue of Aquaman did we learn the name of Aquaman’s father?” is “Fuck you — Arthur, Prince of the Sea, belongs to everyone.”)

Read More

Seriously, Aquaman is rad.

3 Fan Communities That Hate Their Own Members

I wrote a column about how comic book and music fans hate their fellow enthusiasts more than anything else in the entire universe. To wit - I embedded a YouTube clip of one of my songs, purely for illustrative purposes and not at all to stroke my own boundless ego, in the body of the column. Within an hour of this article going live, I got a personal message on YouTube (a personal message, mind you, because I had disabled comments and made the video unlisted so the only way you can watch it is by getting the link through my column) that said “Your song is a true piece of shit. You have no talent whatsoever.” Hating it was not enough - this person literally could not go on with his or her life without personally letting me know that I didn’t deserve to make music.

Elaine! …what are you doing, here?

I have this exact relationship with every single one of my friends.

(Source: nomore-halfmeasures, via estebanwaseaten)

cracked:

"I have a very specific set of skills, and did NOT star in Krull.”
5 Popular Movies and Their Obviously Superior Counterparts

#4: Taken. The Objectively Superior Counterpart: Hanna
There are so many fistfights, gunfights, foot chases, and tense cat-and-mouse sequences dusted with sprinkles of German weirdness that I am amazed [Hanna] isn’t part of the Justice League of constantly rotating GIF sets on Tumblr. … Saoirse Ronan, the teenage girl from Atonement and The Lovely Bones, is a force of goddamned nature. Every single character in the movie that raises a hand to her in anger gets the absolute shit killed out of them. It’s like Soldier if Kurt Russell had been a 90-pound Irish female and people had actually watched that movie.

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My new column also tells you the vastly superior movies you should be watching instead of Juno or Scott Pilgrim.

cracked:

"I have a very specific set of skills, and did NOT star in Krull.”

5 Popular Movies and Their Obviously Superior Counterparts

#4: Taken. The Objectively Superior Counterpart: Hanna

There are so many fistfights, gunfights, foot chases, and tense cat-and-mouse sequences dusted with sprinkles of German weirdness that I am amazed [Hanna] isn’t part of the Justice League of constantly rotating GIF sets on Tumblr. … Saoirse Ronan, the teenage girl from Atonement and The Lovely Bones, is a force of goddamned nature. Every single character in the movie that raises a hand to her in anger gets the absolute shit killed out of them. It’s like Soldier if Kurt Russell had been a 90-pound Irish female and people had actually watched that movie.

Read More

My new column also tells you the vastly superior movies you should be watching instead of Juno or Scott Pilgrim.

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