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4 Reasons This New Movie Is Everything Wrong With Hollywood

To all the writers who threw their Santa Claus vs. vikings screenplay in the trash, we are truly sorry.

Hollywood is going to make a multi-million dollar gritty reboot of Santa Claus wherein he battles vikings, and I wrote about how fantastically stupid that is.

Hey, I cowrote the latest episode of The Spit Take with Jack (who can be seen hosting the program in a jacket he stole from Marty McFly’s future son). There’s a bear, and a crazy German guy in a Speedo. You know what to do.

5 Ways Delivering Food Is Like Living in a Tarantino Movie

The first job I ever had was working as a delivery driver for Mr. M’s, the shadiest sandwich shop in the history of creation.

I wrote a column about the time I was in high school and delivered sandwiches to criminals!

The De-Textbook: The Stuff You Didn't Know About the Stuff You Thought You Knew: 9780452298200: Books

The De-Textbook: The Stuff You Didn’t Know About the Stuff You Thought You Knew [] on *FREE* super saver shipping on qualifying offers.

You are an idiot. Don’t get defensive! It’s not your fault. For decades your teachers, authority figures and textbooks have been lying to you. You do not have five senses. Your tongue doesn’t have neatly segregated taste-bud zones. You don’t know what the pyramids really looked like. You’re even pooping wrong - Jesus

Our new book, the De-Textbook, is out today! Make your way over to Amazon (or wherever you like to buy reading things with word pages) and click “Buy Now” until it explodes through your front door. Seriously, just continue hitting the button until that happens.

Also, make sure you’re getting the physical copy. There’s apparently some formatting issue with the Kindle version.