Start The Machine

Stay awake on coffee and razorblades.

4 Reasons This New Movie Is Everything Wrong With Hollywood

Hollywood is going to make a multi-million dollar gritty reboot of Santa Claus wherein he battles vikings, and I wrote about how fantastically stupid that is.

Hey, I cowrote the latest episode of The Spit Take with Jack (who can be seen hosting the program in a jacket he stole from Marty McFly’s future son). There’s a bear, and a crazy German guy in a Speedo. You know what to do.

5 Ways Delivering Food Is Like Living in a Tarantino Movie

I wrote a column about the time I was in high school and delivered sandwiches to criminals!

The De-Textbook: The Stuff You Didn't Know About the Stuff You Thought You Knew: Cracked.com: 9780452298200: Amazon.com: Books

Our new book, the De-Textbook, is out today! Make your way over to Amazon (or wherever you like to buy reading things with word pages) and click “Buy Now” until it explodes through your front door. Seriously, just continue hitting the button until that happens.

Also, make sure you’re getting the physical copy. There’s apparently some formatting issue with the Kindle version.

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