Not every filmmaker’s passion project turns out to be ‘Star Wars.’
Hey, I wrote a column about the time Hollywood enthusiastically supported George Lucas’s obviously terrible crusade to make Howard the Duck into a movie, because they thought everything George Lucas touched would transform into strippers and cocaine. Also, John Travolta spent two decades trying to bring Battlefield Earth to the silver screen, because it is difficult to keep your perspective after three Look Who’s Talking movies.
How dare you make a movie this stupid and assume people would want to see more.
I wrote a column about terrible, stupid movies that inexplicably believed they were getting sequels. Like when Skeletor pops out of the water at the end of Masters of the Universe and says “I’ll be back!” No you won’t, Skeletor. It’s one of the most depressingly optimistic things ever, like listening to a child with bone cancer telling you what he’s going to be when he grows up.
"The authorities claim that the fatal shot was from one of several thousand they fired at [Pablo Escobar], a story which is supported by this painting depicting Escobar as a King Kong-sized Jack Black being attacked by rubber space capsules." #CrackedClassic
7 Historical Figures Who Were Absurdly Hard To Kill
This is the article that got me my job at Cracked.
Here are five of the most ridiculous questions we were asked in 2013 that we should’ve already known the answers to.
I have a new column today about all the shocking failures of 2013 that we should have seen coming a mile away. Specifically, things like The Lone Ranger and Pacific Rim (hugely budgeted genre movies in genres that have never performed that well), all of the Twilight knock-offs (none of the Jaws, Star Wars, or Harry Potter knock-offs did well either), and Alec Baldwin (a bloated shithead covered in folds of extra skin).