[Teaser from Hollywood: Masters of the Optimism.]
#2. Masters of the Universe
Confusingly based on the action figure line rather than the stupefyingly popular cartoon show, Masters of the Universe rewarded eager young He-Man fans with a story about a teenage Courteney Cox and her dead parents. … Skeletor pops his head out of the red swimming pool of oblivion He-Man cast him into at the end of the movie and says “I’ll be back!” Considering this is Frank Langella, a man known for playing terrifying characters, suddenly bursting out of nowhere wearing a skull mask that is realistic enough to look like a facial carving to deliver one final message to a theater full of 8-year-olds who have just experienced the worst disappointment of their young lives, this scene probably dealt out more nightmares than Chatroulette.
I wrote the shit out of this.